Should I Let My Supervisor Know About My Mental Health Struggles?
Thank you for taking care of yourself and getting the support you need; it matters that you’re alive and here to write this down.
I think what’s most important about the decision to share or not to share is about what would be helpful to you and what your boundaries are.
(Please see my thoughts on ‘professionalism’ in this letter here - even though it’s not a perfect content match - as I am going to spend time on the choices you have instead of delving into what’s professional and not for mental health)
Because it isn’t the case of you ‘have’ to tell everyone everything or you tell them nothing at all.
There’s lots of choices in between those two things.
It could be talking with HR about taking a medical leave of absence for a little bit without sharing details.
It might be having a meeting with your supervisor about more regular feedback so if you realize the review is going in a direction that feels array, you don’t also have to send an email to schedule a meeting (sometimes its the additional steps that build up anxiety). Let’s say instead there’s a routine meeting to bring things up in or a way to flag things in whatever system your review is in, it might take that other layer off.
It might be telling a trusted co-worker or team member that you’re getting help with for your mental health outside of work, but within work hours, it would be helpful to have a working lunch together to talk through the review and the expectations for progress or ask if you can meet up after work to discuss how they survive your supervisor from an interpersonal standpoint.
It might be getting connected with the university counseling center to explore if there’s any supports for staff and if there are any accommodations that can be made in light of admitting yourself for psychiatric help.
It might be having a talk with another supervisor or advisor or PI in the group / lab / department to discuss how mental health disclosures have gone in the past and if they can provide you with any resources or support in sharing with your supervisor.
Another option may not sharing with your team but having a therapy session scheduled following your meeting with your supervisor, or planning some type of movement activity after those meetings (Pilates, yoga, a walk around the building outside, or bringing sensory toys in there with you). These are ideas I propose as being ways to make this position sustainable for you, not necessarily solving the immediate suffering.
With the last suggestion especially, I want to acknowledge the uncertainty and weariness I hear in this - that you’re not sure if sharing is the right thing or not.
And while lots of universities and work cultures declare themselves nondiscriminatory and supportive of folks with a range of mental health needs, I think it’s fair to acknowledge to each other that actions don’t always align with that.
While there shouldn’t be consequences for sharing and being a whole human being, with anxiety and fear and thought spirals and headaches, there could be. I would never encourage you to share full force because I don’t know the specifics of your environment and there could be repercussions (even though there shouldn’t be).
Which means these decisions of who and how much and when to share requires an honest audit of your environment: how supportive you’ve seen people be during bouts of seasonal depression in each other or if someone could be honest about a miscarriage with coworkers or if there have been messages of concern during a national emergency or natural disaster. Are these things talked about in public, in hushed conversations, behind closed doors, never? Is there space for emotional check-ins at the start of meetings? These can give you honest indications of how sharing might go for you.
It may also be of importance to be discerning about who you first open up to, if you decide to. That interaction will likely carry a lot of weight and expectations and you may come up with a story that everyone will act as negatively as this person did if that is how it turns out. A supportive interaction may only give you a small burst of confidence, but it’s worth acknowledging that however someone responds the first time will hold a lot of power for your decision making on sharing or not sharing. And it’ll be so very human of you.
I want to make sure that I’m clear in saying that even though the environment may or may not live in its integrity of supporting people through their mental health challenges, it does not mean you don’t deserve support, care, or don’t belong in a working environment.
It is and will always be a failure of our systems that we prioritize productivity over humanity, and outputs over a healthy pathway through our work.
The decision on what level to share, with whom, when, and how to make changes for your sustainably in working (because it seems like you’d like to continue) is up to you. Do ask for support and brainstorming with your specialist and any other mental health care professional you work with as they may be able to give you more specific advice.
I am hoping you find support in your workplace, and I am proud of you for getting the help you need.
Til next Sunday,
Dr. Sydney Conroy
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