Letter Twenty-Five: Dear Color Me Confused,

When I first felt overwhelmed by the idea of research myself, I went to words. Specifically, to find a definition. Because sometimes you have to break things down into the smallest units you can and make sense in the rebuilding.

Research, in verb form, is to investigate systematically. Systematically is defined as according to a fixed plan or system; methodically. Methodically means in an orderly or systematic manner.

What reassured me at the time was all the objective appearing language of a system and order and fixed plans. Surely then research would be a process that had steps or a pathway or a rubric even. But then I arrived to a place very similar to which you appear to be writing from.

Letter One: Dear Lost in Academia

If you want to do a PhD, you can also be scared and uncertain and anxious without it meaning it isn’t the right choice for you to make. Many of us, but I’ll mostly speak for myself here, enter PhDs feeling out of our comfort zone, sensitive to failure or perceived failure, or afraid of not being good enough. And we make decisions every month, every week, sometimes hour by hour if those feelings are worth continually feeling and moving through, or if they aren’t.