Do I say something if my department head introduces me as Ms. instead of Dr.?
Congratulations Dr. on passing your defense - what a huge accomplishment!
I would venture to guess you are far from the first person to be in a situation like this, so I hope within the context of the world (sadly), it feels like a societal consequence rather than a personal situation.
It’s been in my zeitgeist for ten years at least - there were dedicated hours in an undergrad feminist course I took in where we talked about the Dr. title specifically and at least one time in my graduate school training to become a therapist where I had an emotional reaction to an introduction of a professor. But I am certain it has decades longer of a history too. Plus I know you are not alone in this situation for a fact because before starting my PhD, I read SO many takes on this conversation online & offline.
That the title should always be used for women because it helps correct historical power dynamics, that using the title is elitist, that the title should only be used in academic or education settings, that people who are adamant about the title are insecure, that people with certain doctoral degrees shouldn’t be using the title at all, that using the title with students adds more to the already large power dynamic, that using the title with students helps with representation, that to not use it is playing into gender dynamics and academic gatekeeping. The list could truly go on.
And what I think is the most important here is what feels right to you. I think there are people who make their choice based on personal reasons to use or not use and I think there are people who make their choice for praxis reasons (putting theory into action) to use or not use and I think there are people who make their choice to use or not use somewhere in the middle of feelings & theory or even those who haven’t thought about it at all.
It sounds like your experience was that not having your title be acknowledged felt bad and you don’t want to have that experience again.
The most practical of responses might be to add pronouns to your email signature to signal your gender and then decide if you would like to use Dr. XX or XX, Ed.D. as both are appropriate, it just depends on what you would like.
This will tell people how to address you, but we can't know if that will actually change anyone’s behavior. So you could wait and see (and in subsequent introductions to new people you could introduce yourself as Dr. XX) and/or you can absolutely have a conversation with the department head!
I suggest we try a little imaginative exercise about if that conversation sounds worth it as we can’t guess how the department head will react. I know we all have varying levels of comfortability with confrontation or conversations with authorities and I’m not sure what yours is.
Rather than an accusatory route (aka ‘you didn’t use my title during introductions’), I would suggest opening up the conversation asking about the culture of using titles in this department or if you can check in together about introductions going forward. Use whatever wording feels comfortable and natural to you that doesn’t frame using your title as ‘just’ a preference of yours. (I learned that from the teachings of pronoun use from non-binary and trans people - that to frame something like pronouns (or in your case, a title) as a preference, and not instead as a choice of disrespect to not use, is to remove the relational consequence. As though someone could think it was harmless to disregard because it’s a ‘preference’.)
There’s a world in which we can give the department head the benefit of the doubt that because you’re the only one with a doctorate, and they are so in the habit of introductions being Mr. or Ms./Mrs., that they didn’t consider how that would feel to you to not have your title be used. In the same benefit of the doubt line of thinking, they could have thought your email signature leading with Ms. was what you preferred to be addressed as and so they thought they were being considerate.
How would you feel asking to be called Dr. if they came back with these responses? Would you want an apology? Or would them saying they’ll change how they introduce you in the future be enough? Or would there be a desire to not rock the boat or even absolve them of any bad feelings the conversation brought up where you might back track on saying you want your title used?
Consider if it feels low stakes or high stakes, if it feels like something you’re certain you want to do or if it is something you feel like you only want to do a little bit? There is no right or wrong choice - it’s just about what feels worth it to you.
Before making a decision, I would suggest noticing how it would feel to be having a conversation that becomes confrontational or if they belittle you for bringing it up / say you’re being dramatic or even if they say no because they think using your title will make the other staff feel insecure.
What do all those potential options feel like in your body? Does their potential response change how ‘worth it’ the conversation feels for you to have? Would it have an impact on how comfortable or emotionally safe that environment feels for you to work in?
I would encourage you to make an informed decision based on what you can imagine the different scenarios to feel like and how it could impact you.
There are some people who feel the principal of the thing with more conviction than would be impacted the potential outcomes, and if that’s you, you’ll likely come to the bottom of this letter with resolve to have the conversation.
There are others who are more impacted by the response and don’t have the capacity to take up the conversation at all after considering all the potential outcomes.
And there are others still who may not feel the conversation is worth it for their personal situation, but will come to the end of this letter and feel like but it is worth having because it might save the next woman with a doctorate to not have to have this conversation with the head of the department.
None of those are more correct or incorrect than the other, we all have our own lines in the sand and our own levels of desire to shift the environments we’re in. It’s also okay to come to the conclusion that you don’t want to now but you will give yourself a couple months there to see if there is a change and then decide to have a conversation about it with the department head if not. It’s not a now-or-never situation.
Give yourself time to think and feel through your options, and make a decision when you’re ready. But I would suggest changing your email signature sooner rather than later as a starting point!
Til next Sunday,
Dr. Sydney Conroy
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